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1/15/09 11:11 pm

a: the itsy bitsy spider, spider spider spout.

j: spider spider rain and spider spider out.

a: spider spider sun and spider spider rain.

j&a: and the itsy bitsy spider, spider spider spider!

9/26/08 09:27 am - silly story results in interesting ponderance

i was taking a shower and my lavender body wash ran out, so i mixed it with the new citrus body wash. [i realize this is a totally awesome story, but bear with me, there is a point.] so i'm enjoying the unique combined scent of [calming and soothing] lavender and [awakening and energizing] citrus and this thought came to my mind:

is it possible to be both calm and energized? i mean, not just both at the same time--fluctuating back and forth between the two--but equal parts of each coexisting at the exact same moment? it seems like that state of being would be like what happens in your brain when you drink coffee with irish cream liqueur, or jägermeister with red bull.

which [by the way] are delicious, but not very healthy for you.

9/18/08 05:15 pm - this was on the bus

i saw one of those name tag stickers "HELLO my name is ___" stuck to the wall.

it said "HELLO my name is Failure...story of my life." so i wrote it down because it made me think of other things i've seen. i hope the person who wrote that feels better now.

9/12/08 04:56 pm - goldfish

whole grain goldfish crackers are a staple of my diet.

do you ever read the packages of the food you eat? goldfish crackers packages are--for lack of a better word--cheesy. [yeah, i know, so am i.]

anyway, the package on the cheddar goldfish proclaims, "baked with real cheese!" the pretzel goldfish boasts, "baked with goodness." most ridiculous of all is that on all of the goldfish packages, the ingredients list begins with, "made with smiles and...."

it was sort of upsetting to me when they started imprinting the crackers with their own eyes and smiles. why should they smile? i mean, they are going to meet an untimely death! if you were soon to be crushed and then digested by a giant fish, would you be smiling?

8/26/08 09:03 am - i had this dream

where i was back in school, but in the dream i had already accomplished everything i have up to this point [school, job, etc.] and i was going back to high school intentionally to do the things i felt like i 'missed out on.' this is something i've always said in real life that i would never do--because why would anyone voluntarily subject themselves to high school again? but there i was, doing just that and feeling pretty good about it, and i was in class with my favorite english teacher, mr. brooks. it was a composition class, and that day we were supposed to answer a question in our writing:

"what do you want out of life?"

isn't this an interesting question that my subconscious posed to me, especially at this moment in my life?

and there's so much time left to answer this question over and over.

6/25/08 03:03 pm - opb part ii

i can't imagine living in a place where a legitimate fear of mine would be that i would wake up one morning to find that my dog had been eaten by a tiger.

apparently this is a huge problem.

5/12/08 08:42 am - opb

this morning i am watching a pbs special on nomadic reindeer herders, and i've just had an acute moment of awareness. there are children who are raised literally on the backs of horses and donkeys, as their parents roam the countryside.

all that and here i am lying on the couch watching tv and drinking wine, being a spectator to these peoples' lives. isn't it interesting that there's a little girl half way across the world, gripping her mother so she won't fall, and there's me over here living my cushy american life?

...and neither of us will ever be able to fully understand--or even truly begin to wrap our minds around the other's experience.

2/22/08 09:14 am

i wonder how many couples have gotten married at starbucks.

2/21/08 11:28 am - the blackberry [saga]

i keep putting off writing this story because it keeps getting longer...and i'm still not sure it's over yet...but here goes anyway [brevity is not one of my strong suits; details, however....]:

so one morning, i was minding my own business, sleeping off the hard night at work, when i am startled awake by the telephone ringing. [this was before i stopped answering the phone and started wearing ear plugs.] so in my half-awake half-asleep stupor, i answer the phone and this lady starts talking to me [i will leave out my part of these conversations--hopefully they're obvious]: "hello, is this miss temple?" ... "hi miss temple, this is [some random lady] from at&t. i am calling to confirm some information with you about your wireless account with us." ... "there was a clerical error on our end, and one of your phone numbers accidentally was deleted from your account and given to someone else" ... "yes, i know, there was no lapse in coverage, and it shouldn't affect your ability to talk on your phone or anything, i just need to set up your account with us again" ... "i know, this doesn't sound real, but i'm telling you the truth." ... "alright, thank you miss temple"

[fork: why do these people who call you in the middle of the day always say your name so many times? is it supposed to make you feel like you actually know the person? and don't get me started on the guy who kept calling me 'miss temp-lee'. stupid fuckers.]

"so this is in regarding to the number that is 503-720-[etc], this is your number, right? just a few more questions and we'll be finished...." ... "well, this number was assigned to another customer by accident, and your account was deleted, so i'll have to give you a new account number now that i've finished updating your account. do you have something to write with?" [stupid bitch, getting me out of bed for something this ridiculous.] "the number is [number] ok? now, for the inconvenience to you, we will be taking $25 off of your next month's bill" [alright, now you're speaking my language! =)] "does that sound alright, miss temple?" ... "thank you for your time, and again, i am sorry for the inconvenience. i hope you have a nice day."

what a good deal, right?! i mean, with the discount from work and this money off that bill...i think we paid what, $9 for the month? it was pretty cool. until the next month's bill came.

it was $140 or something, and i couldn't figure out how that was possible, considering i use my phone very little and jaymz uses his about 1 hour per month [maybe], and--gosh--i only sent a couple of text messages. =/ finally, [on page 4 of the bill] we figure out that we've been charged for a blackberry plan.


so i get on the phone and do the whole 'press 1, press 7, press jesus and then wait 20 minutes while listening to shitty elevator music' thing, and finally get this young girl on the phone to help me. i explain the whole thing, top to bottom, to which she says, "so, you don't have a blackberry?" ... "you've never had a blackberry??" ... "well this is just the weirdest story i've ever heard."

she gets it! =D

the sweet girl gets us all fixed up, takes the blackberry plan off of the account, credits us part of the bill, lets us know the new total, and, "is there anything else i can assist you with today, miss temple?" ... "well, thank you for your time--i'm sorry this happened [giggle]--and i hope you have a nice day."

great! fixed! bill back to a normal rate, had a nice laugh with someone who actually had a sense of humor...lovely! all is right with the world again!!

so the next week or so we get this check in the mail from at&t. it's not the $25 from the first bill, it's not the cost of the blackberry plan that she credited us on the next bill...it's some random fucking number which makes no sense at all, and we're all like, "but, we know how to subtract, you didn't have to credit us the difference on our bill, we just never paid that part" and very confused about it. i didn't deposit the check cause i thought it must've been a mistake.

alright, that's finished. no big deal, computer error.

the next month's bill comes, and--lo and behold--we've still got a blackberry! awesome.

[you know the next part] and i'm on the phone with yet another customer service rep. this lady was condescending as hell. i tell her the whole story and she's like, "but it looks like you canceled your plan and opened a new plan with us. didn't you have a blackberry before that?"

goddammit. no. that other lady woke me up in the middle of the [night] and told me this cock-and-bull story about someone being a dumbass and deleting my account--but only one of the numbers--like that makes any fucking sense. i should've gotten pissed at her and pushed for free phone service for at least 2 months.

i finally get her to cancel the plan [maybe?] and i'm asking her over and over--just to make sure--if the thing is canceled, if we're going to get a normal bill next time, if this is going to keep happening again and again...and she's just being an ass, saying "yes, yes, yes." like i'm the one who's got shit for brains and can't understand the concept. whatever. i hung up the phone, having written numbers all over the bill of what we were being credited, what we owed, etc.

but, fuck. the numbers don't add up when we go through them to make sure it's all correct. grrrr.

i called at&t back. i've memorized the options menu.

then i met victor. at this point, i had started writing down names so i know who to blame later. i explained the whole thing to him, and he still thought the computer stuff was messed up and we were going to get charged again, so he cleaned that up and was patient with me while we went over the numbers and figured out where the inconsistencies were coming from. very nice guy. very patient. definitely earning his money over there at shitty job central. [we also learned that we were allowed to deposit that check from before--yay for free money!]

sigh. so you might be thinking this is finally over, and you may be right. [i sure hope so!] but it's only the 21st of the month, and we haven't gotten our next bill yet.

i guess we'll see.

12/7/07 01:33 pm - pseudo-sunburn

the strangest thing happened to me on wednesday night.

i was minding my own business, getting dressed and putting on my make-up before work, when suddenly my ears started to hurt and burn and turn an impressive shade of firey red. i kind of started to freak out, cause this was obviously not a normal thing to happen. then, my chest started to tun bright red, then my arms and hands, and this progressed all the way down my body. all the while, the sensation in my skin is changing from merely hot to really really hot and itchy and burning and like needles were jabbing me all over.

at that point i'm thinking, "hmm...maybe i shouldn't be going to work right now, there appears to be something wrong with me," so i called the charge nurse that night to tell her what was going on and say that maybe i shouldn't come to work that night because i would probably be visiting our fine emergency department instead. to which she said, "we are short-staffed, but that sounds pretty bad...how about you come in and we'll check you out...oh, and take some benadryl."

ok, so i sent jaymz to the store for some liquid benadryl [yum?] while i finished getting ready for work and tried not to claw off my skin while putting on my scrubs. then he got back, we mis-measured the benadryl, and i took a whole bunch of it...which really isn't that bad for you...it just ended up making me feel better and making me sleepy. then he drove me to work, where i went to my floor and everyone was staring at me, because at this point my whole body is this horrible bright red 'i was stranded on a desert island for three days with no clothes and no shelter' kind of color. i got to the front desk and the nurses started taking my blood pressure and looking at me in a perplexedly worried fashion.

my vital signs were: blood pressure 157/110, pulse 154...and i stopped reading there and started on my way to the emergency department. so, rest of the long story short, turns out i had an allergic reaction to--get this--niacin, a.k.a. vitamin b3, which i had taken that evening with dinner to help lower my cholesterol.

so much for trying to take good care of myself and be proactive in solving my blood chemistry problems! now all i've got to show for my efforts is a full bottle of niacin, an empty bottle of benadryl, and a still-itchy body.

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